Evidence of God’s Work

Do not be anxious about anything, but…present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Phil. 4:6-7

 

Yesterday morning I went to the doctor.  They took my blood pressure, as usual, and it was normal, which was not usual.  I think this is the first time in years that my blood pressure was normal at the doctor’s office.  I have “white-coat hypertension”, where anxiety from visiting the doctor raises your blood pressure.  In fact, worrying about having high blood pressure is the very thing that raises it.  It is a vicious cycle.

 

But God has been doing big-time work on my anxiety lately.  He’s been dealing with my anxiety related to travel, socializing, writing, and now apparently visiting the doctor too.  It is like opening a Christmas present to find new ways that I have been changed that are related to other things He has been doing in me.  And it is so neat to see the evidence of God’s work show up tangibly in a medical test!  You are Awesome God!

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My Very Great Reward

[The Lord] said to me…”My power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me…For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Cor. 12:9,10

 

The word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:  “Do not be afraid, Abram.  I am your shield, your very great reward.”  Gen 15:1

 

Whenever I do something new that God asks me to do which is hard for me, I feel such an intimacy with Him, more than usual.  Its like my weakness attracts Him.  I really need Him in these situations.  And He blesses me and empowers me with His presence.

 

I led a small group at the women’s bible study yesterday.  I was very nervous and anxious when I first found out I was going to have to do it.  This is way out of my comfort zone and natural ability (See Baby Steps).  But while I was waiting to lead yesterday, I felt this unusual calm.  I didn’t really feel nervous at all.  That is totally and completely unlike me. 

 

First, we all prayed together in the big group.  Just as I bowed to pray, I felt a warmth come over me, like a blanket or a jacket being laid on my shoulders, a feeling of peace and comfort.  I think that was the Holy Spirit empowering me to lead.  Then when it was time for me to lead my small group, I was just calm.  I was more calm leading than I normally feel when I speak in that group as a participant.  It was amazing.  It was truly Him holding me and protecting me from my nervousness, empowering me to obey.  He is trustworthy and so gentle with me. 

 

Afterwards, I was just stunned and amazed.  I felt so humbled and in awe that God would choose to work through me and empower me to do something that I never could have done on my own.  I was amazed at the calmness and peace He gave me, and that He blessed me with His presence as well.  I felt Him, holding me up, surrounding me, gently leading me with such compassion and tenderness.  He was with me, and that pretty much makes following Him in the difficult things all worthwhile.  He is My very great reward and what a reward!  What a pleasure He is!

 

 

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Date with a Traffic Cop

Jesus said…“I am gentle and humble in heart.”  Matt. 11:25,29

 

Tuesday morning I was driving to my bible study down a two-lane road.  The speed limit had been recently changed from 45 to 35 mph because they are widening the road.  I was talking on my phone, looking for a CD, not paying attention, and as I looked up, I saw a police officer standing at the side of the road motioning for me to pull over!  I felt horrible.  I hate getting pulled over, that fear of man thing.  I feel like I’ve really done something wrong, like I’ve been really bad! :) 

 

I was talking to my husband just before I got pulled over, and when I saw the cop, I told my husband, “I’ve got to go now, I’m getting pulled over!”  He’s said, “What?”  And I hung up!  The officer walked up to my car and told me I was going 47.  He took my driver’s license and insurance card.  While I was waiting for the him to write down all the information, I realized that I knew the speed limit had been reduced.  In fact, my husband had warned me about it previously, which I promptly blew off!  And now I was going to get a ticket.  I had not gotten one in years and was not looking forward to paying the fine or having my insurance rates raised when our finances are already so tight.

 

I am a very sensitive person and pretty much have always cried in the past if some intimidating authority figure, like a cop, pulls me over!  But I didn’t this time.  And I had another glimpse of how God has been changing me, taking control of my emotions, making me more confident in Him, making me more concerned about His opinion than man’s.   Its is really neat to have a situation presented to you and then to realize that you are now different, to see the evidence of God’s work show up!

 

I timidly asked God, “Could I please just get a warning?” knowing I really didn’t deserve it.  The officer came back.  He was a kind-looking, black man with a round face.  He says with a smile on his face, “This is just a courtesy warning, ma’am.  This won’t go on your record or anything.”  He didn’t even give me a stern warning not to go so fast.  So I thanked Him profusely!  Then I thanked God profusely.

 

After I pulled away, now doing the speed limit, I called my husband back.  He said he was praying for me the whole time to just get a warning.  Do you think it was a coincidence that I had just called my husband before I had gotten pulled over, and then he could pray for me?  I am so thankful that I only got a warning, that God dealt with me gently through this kind police officer, and that I was given a glimpse of the results of the changes He has been making in me.  And I also knew this as God’s gentle warning to tell me to stop going so fast on that road!

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A Testimony for my Classmates

Last week I wrote about God making me brave enough to want to write a testimony for my classmates at my upcoming high school reunion in November.  I put links on the reunion web pages to my Testimony page.  This is what it says:

When I was in high school, I did not believe that God was real.  I wanted to believe in Him and to love Him, but it just seemed too good to be true.  A couple of months after I started college, I attended a student bible study on campus.  There I met these kids who loved God and were meeting there voluntarily.  Their parents did not make them go!  This really must be important to them.  That was enough to convince me that God was real.

 

Shortly after that, I went to my room in college and poured everything in my heart out to God, now that I believed He was real and listening to me.  I asked Him to forgive my sins and to come and live in my heart that night.  I knew I could do this because Jesus died on the cross for my sins.  After this, I was a new person, changed by Him, so thankful to belong to God.

 

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  1 Jn. 1:9

 

But as I grew in my relationship with God, I had some deeper issues that were keeping me from a more intimate relationship with Him.  I did not trust Him enough to allow Him to be in control over every part of me, and this was probably a result of not understanding in my heart how much He really does love me.

 

My whole life, I have used things to make myself feel good: tv, food, fiction books, going out to eat, vacations, anything I could find.  I would try to satisfy myself with these, try to find a little pleasure, a thrill, or comfort.  But a couple of years ago, these things stopped working completely.  I have always had a tendency towards depression, and when these things stopped working, I was really depressed.  I was numb.  I felt no joy, not even in the things that used to bring me pleasure.

 

During this time, God began to show me little glimpses of His love for me, like piercing rays of light in the darkness of depression.  I didn’t really believe that He wanted me.  Why would He?  I am so messed up.  Again, it seemed too good to be true.   But I was amazed that God was showing me that He really loves me.  He wants me.  He wants to spend time with me.  He desires me.  He also was showing me that I could trust Him, that He is gentle and kind with me.  He is good and takes perfect care of me, better than I could ever do myself.

 

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart…My yoke is easy and My burden is light.  Matt. 11:28-30

 

A few months after that, I just decided after the glimpses I had been given of God’s amazing love, that I wanted more of Him.  I asked Him, “How can I be close to You all the time?”  I was surprised to hear Him clearly say, “Give Me everything.”  Now I had known He wanted that for a long time, but I didn’t trust Him.  What would He do to me, or what would He ask me to do?!

 

But as God was showing me how much He loves me, I could decide to trust Him and to give Him everything, asking Him to help me do that.  As I wavered back and forth with that decision afterwards when difficult things would come up, God used the following verse to reassure me.  He convinced me that even though it didn’t feel like things were good at the moment, His ultimate plan for me is wonderful, better than I could ever come up with on my own!

 

’I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’  Jer. 29:11

 

Since then, I have been completely changed.  He has made me fall deeply in love with Him.  He has satisfied me, putting Himself in the place of old things through which I used to use to get a temporary thrill.  In the process, He has given me a permanent, real satisfaction in Himself.  We were made by Him and for Him.  Therefore we can only be truly satisfied by Him.  He has brought a consistent and steady peace to my life.  For the first time ever, I am happy and content.  He is always here with me.  He is the Love of my life, and no joy or pleasure on earth can compare.

 

Your love is better than life.  Psa. 63:3

 

God loves you too, beyond anything you could ever imagine.  He desires this intimate, love relationship with you as well.  But He is a gentleman and will not force His way in.  He must be asked.  Please invite Him into your heart today.

 

Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me.  Rev. 3:20

(If you want to read more details about this story, read the My Story web page.)

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Being Transformed

It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.  Phil 2:13

 

I am flying up to Connecticut in November for my 20 year high school reunion.  I am going to stay with one of my best friends from high school.  It turns out both she and I were saved after high school, and we now have much more in common.  Now, not only are we friends, but also sisters in Christ.

 

Last week, she had suggested that we pick one day of the week to fast and pray for our classmates.  She believes God will lead her to give her testimony to at least one person.  I’m thinking at that time, “Boy is she brave!  I’m not doing anything like that!  I’ll just stay in her shadow.”  Well we have prayed for one week so far, and guess what?  God has been telling me what He wants me to do.

 

Last Saturday evening in my bath, as I was praying, I began to think in my head of what I would say if I did share my testimony with my classmates.  Then I felt led to write it down.  Somehow now I knew that God did want me to share my testimony, and I felt willing to do it.  But I wondered, “How does God want me to share it”?  Then I had the thought, “I could e-mail the organizer and ask her”.  And my immediate response was, “There’s no way I’m doing that!  She’ll think I’m nuts!” J  Well then next day, during my afternoon quiet time, I hear in my head the words to write to her in an e-mail, asking her about how I could share my testimony.  And somehow now, less than 24 hours later, I was willing to do this, and it sounded like a reasonable idea!

 

I am really quite amazed at how God can take my unwillingness and fear, and transform me completely into something I am not naturally.  How does He do that?  Isn’t He amazing?!  If we are willing, He will change our very desires and make us want His will.  He can make us want to serve and please Him, even when it may have previously seemed terrifying or irrational.  I love the way He does that!  He is awesome!

 

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever–increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.  2 Cor. 3:18

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